Childminding Blog by Leigh Ann Gilmore
Ah, The Toddler Rules! If I had it first, it’s mine. If you had it first and I want it, it’s mine! If I put it down and you are now playing with it and I want it back, it’s mine! We know the way it goes. It’s always going to be an issue. You have 10 Barbies? But, I only like that one!! We also know that Toddler + Reasoning = What are you talking about?!
When I first started childminding, my own two boys were 5 years and 18 months old. I knew that it would be hard for them to have children come into “their” home and play with “their” toys. It was easier for my 5 year old, he was old enough to bring any special toy up to his room – I remember that there was only one or two things. My 18 month old, on the other hand….. Let’s just say, he wasn’t only obsessed with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, he WAS a Ninja Turtle! Luckily, what with having an older brother, our toy armoury was well stocked, and my 18 month old only had 2 or 3 very special “weapons” to which he was very attached.
I remembered my Mom saying “Kids are just little big people” and I had read somewhere that we wouldn’t ask an adult to “share” their BMW, so I felt comfortable explaining to my very first two mindees that those particular weapons were “special” but they could play with ALL the others. And, funnily enough, it was never an issue. My son felt heard (though he did try “That special me!” with just about every single book and toy in the first few weeks!) and the other children had plenty of other weapons to choose from so they seemed happy.
However, there were the inevitable “negotiations” over the many, many shared toys. And, as we all know, all that kids hear when we say, “Share. Take turns. You’ve had it a long time” is “Blah, blah, blah”. So I turned to my trusty oven timer. Why my oven timer? Two reasons: Firstly, I am an old dinosaur and began minding before the invention of smart phones! My good old Nokia was virtually only used for texting. And secondly, the oven never moved. It stayed right where the children could see it and hear it.
When the upsets began over sharing, I would set the timer on the oven (taking account of the children’s’ ages but also giving enough time to actually play – 2 minutes was my minimum) and explain that when they heard the BEEP that it was So-and-So’s turn. I minded very competitive children and siblings with quite combative sibling relationships, and the Sharing Timer never ever failed to keep the peace. Most times, it only took maybe three passes back and forth before one person bowed out and found something else to play with. Often it was less, but every single time, the child playing handed over the toy without complaint and waited for the BEEP for their next turn. I think they felt the timer was an objective arbiter, rather than Leigh Ann playing favourites.
It’s been 16 years. This dinosaur now has a smart phone, but I still use that oven timer. And it still does its job brilliantly!